A Wicked Case of the Mondays-Mixtape Review

DJ Krush: Danger of Love
Seu Jorge: Rebel Rebel
Macklemore: American
Regina Spektor: On the Radio
P.O.S.: Purexed
A Night In The Box: Tom Sawyers and Lawyers
Macklemore: And We Danced
Everlast: White Trash Beautiful
University of Wisconsin MadHatters: The Lion King
Mirah: Words Cannot Describe
Safri Duo: Fallin’ High
Subtle: Spring Sponsor
Arrested Development: Mr. Wendal
Cunnin’ Lynguist: Old School
Rage Against The Machine: Vietnow

Mornings are rough for most people; if you are a morning person, go away: this mix is not for you. We’re the people who need to ease into the daylight in the car; we don’t wake up in time to lounge around our kitchen, making eggs Benedict and merrily sipping tea like some freak. For us normal folk, it’s a race to the shower, some grainy-ass coffee, and we’re lucky if we miss morning traffic. This list is devised to distract you long enough not kill somebody, especially yourself.

“Danger of Love” is the preface to a mellow day or the end of a sultry night. It will place you in the light or in the dark, on the cliffs of Greece or in a softcore porno (but in a good, STD-free way.) Ah, but your master is cruel, and will yank you out of that paradise and place you right onto an indie Portuguese fishing boat with Seu Jorge. Dare thy master say he does Rebel Rebel better than Bowie? Aye. Take out every instrument in Bowie’s version, and replace with one Brazilian and a beat-up acoustic guitar, and you have O rebelde celestial.

Again, your dark lord immediately flicks your “mood” switch: mornings need a little bit of exaggerated comedy–one of Macklemore’s many talents. This red-neck inspired song is written from the perspective of “Aberdeen Washington / a proud American / and a terrorist fighter.” Mr. Washington is proud of his country and says that “I got a picture of Reagan above my fire, right next to the deer I shot with my rifle/ NRA/ hell yea I support them/…Mexicans?/ Send them back over the border/ Right on home to Samoa,/ Wherever they come from / They’re taking our jobs / And eating our hamburgers / And taking our jobs.” After inevitably skipping the ending of “American,” we need something to make us forget that our coffee is getting cold. Thank you Regina, for providing the right bubbly, secret-garden atmosphere for us and our minions to explore our morning thoughts in.

Time to get to the brass knuckles of the morning jam-out. Cue “Purexed”’s little-drummer-boy-on-crack rampage. P.O.S. reassures us that it’s okay if we didn’t shave today, and if we probably wont tomorrow, “Let them try to find the beauty in your face.” The perfect combination of wet lyrics, encouragement for budding beardos, and hard-core music.

Now worms, we digress, to bluegrass. Get ready to clap your feet and stomp your hands–but don’t lose track of the danger you pose to other, because Tom Sawyer and Lawyers will make you want to paint a white fence whiter, or at least create a new dance by that name. Now, take that danger to a higher level when the second Macklemore songs starts; don’t let the introductory piano riffs fool you, this song will rock your fucking face off–that is, if you’re not too pretentious to admit that parody songs can be amazing, well composed, and altogether infectious dance jams. Yes, Macklemore sounds like he’s impersonating a German house DJ. Yes, you hear a synthesized organ that conjures images of a nightclub behind the pearly gates; but take some of Mack’s advice: “I am not/ I am not / going to stand on the wall / I will dance / I will Dance / I will break that a** off / … / I will not / I will not / Give a damn of who watches me / I will live / I will live / liberate the fox in me.”

After that, it’s time for a cigarette, and a cool down session with Everlast. There is no better background music to coffee and a cigarette than “White Trash Beautiful.” Not only is Everlast the only person to successfully–and tastefully–cross over between hip-hop and alt-rock, but he bridged a bigger gap with this song. He demonstrated the one thing that unites us: hardships and shitty lives.

Given my aforementioned omnipotence, I command you to enjoy an a cappella medley of songs from Lion King, performed by no cheesier an entity than the University of Wisconsin’s MadHatters. Go ahead: act like you aren’t going to sing-along to “Cirlcle of Life.” If you absolutely can’t stand “Hakuna Matata,” then cruise out of Pride Rock to “Words Cannot Describe,” and try to figure out how Mirah can simulate a 1920’s USO singer with such perfection and Betty Boop-esque voice.

Coffee’s gone, you’re stuck in traffic, and you took the last pull of your cigarette, but life is okay, because Safri Duo has come to bring back the vibe of the Macarena, and be the one song on the mix you listen to in true shame. Whether it’s the grossly over-Latinized drums, the Gay 90’s rhythm drop, or the horns that come out of nowhere, something is done right here; combine that with a morning caffeine buzz, and you’re freaking Gloria Estefan. No lyrics to distract you from the glory that is Latin-techno fusion.

What happens when Doseone wants to take a break from hip-hop? SUBTLE: a group that is un-genrefie-able. “Spring Sponsor” sounds like the underwater level from Super Mario Brothers, inside “The Science of Sleep”. Calm guitar, celestial ambient overtones, flawless.

Now that you have indulged, it’s time to be thankful that you are driving you car and not riding the bus. Which brings us too Mr. Wendal, because life is in the little things, and nobody can teach you this like early 90’s rappers; apparently? The classic boom-clack behind the vocals that may have introduced us to auto-tune is nostalgic, and the lyrics, for the song being circa 1992, are a nice break from the cliché gangster rap mentality that so many rappers became so cozy with.

Time for the mental sit-ups: Cunnin’ Lynguists will provide the routine for this morning. Try catching lines like “I’m so old school I was at the first supper serving soulfood / And Arroz con Pollo’, but I bet you had no clue / That pilgrims were the first to name women after produce / And that was the first Road Rules without toll booths / Even when Adam and Eve sat by the weed tree / I told Eve, ‘Please don’t tell him touch my weed leaves.’ / But after I showed him Cypress Hill, he loved fire / Then Eve left and became the first lady of Ruff Riders.” Rewind much?

Last, the song to push you the last few miles to hell: “Vietnow.” RATM will have you ready to face anything. Seriously, bump this right before you go into battle, but be careful, because water-pumps have been known to break during transportation when Down Rodeo is the theme song for your day. Try not to speed up as soon as the rusty pump guitar oozes and sloshes out of your speakers.

~ by Bunny on December 3, 2009.