I Still Don’t Understand Facebook
Facebook fascinates me, for so many reasons. The confidence, the openness, the craving people have to raise the number on their friend list. Treat the following as my thought process, or just a straight rant. I’m going to refer to facebook as the ubiquitous and complex social interaction site that it is. At the core, what I am curious about is how this site is affecting the fundamental way that we interact with each other–because right now my head is constantly tiled to the side when I thoroughly explore Facebook. First up to bat is the friend list.
It’s extremely hard to believe that you consider 400 people friends. I understand this if you use Facebook for business, or to promote yourself, talent, or whatever. But most people don’t, there is just nobody with 100+ plus real friends. Would you bail me out of jail? Would you even accept the collect call? Would you help me move, or honestly critique my work? No? Not a friend than. I have come to realize that people use Facebook to meet other people, and not just in that creepy internet predator sort of way. I don’t get that. To meet people you care about require lots of real interaction. I have found that the best of friends I have I didn’t like when we first met. Context can be lost so easily in text, especially because humans are such physically expressive beings. Building a friendship is hard to do via internet. Not to say it hasn’t been done, but on a mass scale? Are we losing a balance? I’m not sure. Now for those of you out there who might be thinking, “oh, she is just making arguements over the word ‘friend’” can rest knowing I’m wondering what will happen to the kinds of bonds we make with people–and how we make them–if any, if sites like Facebook because the standard of social communication. At this point I don’t even have theories.
I guess this has always been important to people–how many other people think like them. How many people are willing to call them a friend. Only for guest lists did we count the amount of friends we had, until Facebook. Sure, there was Myspace, but Myspace didn’t have the friendliness that facebook has. Myspace was spammed from the beginning. With Facebook, we had the ease of communication, the tight layout and fancy software that didn’t allow all that glittery bullshit. Facebook became more personal, and so did that stupid friend list. I used to never accept requests from people I don’t know, but now that I have started to be referred to clients through Facebook, I’ve started accepting a few, (resulting in less information being put up on Facebook…) I get at least three requests a day, from people who I have met one time. That’s most people’s standard, one encounter. One two-minute conversation and you’ve made the literal list, under the literal title as friend. I assume, in life, these people have higher standards of friendship. (Phone rule, we’ll get to that later.) That friend number, I think, somehow became associated with how important people felt. Yeah, hate on me talking about popularity, because when it boils down to it that is what I’m getting at. But not in your idioic high school way–everybody, everybody wants to feel important, we all want to feel loved, liked; however you want to put it. But do we really want Facebook to define that?
The fearlessness people seem to have is not just the kind that comes with the protection of a computer. It’s easy to talk shit to somebody you don’t know–if you are what they are calling a “digital native,” than you have undoubtedly engaged in a comment war. Maybe on YouTube, maybe on somebody’s blog or on an online newpaper; where ever it was, it’s happened. Somebody has pissed you off to the point that you check that stream of comments 5-6 times a day. Carefully editing your writing–more than you ever would for a school paper, shaping your thoughts into mental bullets. Not to mention, you have time and the infinite resources of the internet as your ammunition–something unheard of in a face to face argument. Now, we are engaging in the same types of defensive and intimidating conversations with people we see daily and we are able to act like it never happened. Four months ago I was in an extreme political argument–the one that inspired me to write this post on health care–with an acquaintance. He was arguing death panels; literally. Next time we saw each other in person, it wasn’t brought up. We acted like it never happened, which is a sign of maturity, sure; but if we were to have the same conversation face to face, it wouldn’t have had such a mature ending. (I wish I had a manuscript of that conversation, it would be a real nice supplement to this.) He now hits on me, all the time, and it’s gross. I’m talking text messages at 8:00 A.M. asking my schedule for the day. Lame. Point being, Facebook inspires this confidence that’s overwhelming and confusing. The same confidence has random people sending me friend requests– people who would never say hi to me, give me a ride home, or even open a door for me.
The openness is dumbfounded. If you haven’t witnessed any yourself, (and I’m fucking sure you have,) than you need look no further than www.LameBook.com. The shit people post. When did it become okay to talk about your sexual en devours, when your at the dinner table with your mom? You might as well be doing that if your gonna post intimate stuff for your family to see. How are you going to post that because you got bent over last night you can’t shit right? On a side note: in life folks, especially in the day in age we live in, and especially if you are in my generation: there is a 85% chance that what you are saying could be interpreted as a sexual joke in one way or another. Likewise, there is a 65% chance that what you are saying could be followed by “that’s what she said”; however there is only a 18% chance that that will be funny–so be mindful how you word your thoughts. Statistics aside, there is nothing wrong with keeping your sex life too yourself. Why are we so inclined to share on Facebook things we wouldn’t share face to face with somebody? The worst is the way couples act. There is a couple, who shall remain nameless and as descriptionless as I possibly can, but oh man should they not be on Facebook. The boyfriend will freak at every comment made by a boy, and will literally stalk his own girlfriend via Facebook. It’s a power/control/dominance/fucking mommy issue thing. Either way, they will drag other people into their bullshit via Facebook. It really is astounding. Nobody would argue that much in public, at the movies or at a party. But Facebook is like this open ground for anything. People treat it like their diary…
What fascinates me most, and you’ll have to bear with me while I try to unravel this thought of mine, is the way people associate real life with their Facebook account. Does that makes sense? For instance, a guy I worked with on a photo shoot will converse with me via Facebook chat, but will ignore me in the hallways of school when I say hi. Either he ignores me or he is a shy kid (which I didn’t not get the vibe when he was taking his clothes off in front of my camera so his friend could draw superhero costumes on them.) This leads me to think that he separates his “lives”, meaning people he befriends on Facebook he would not necessarily befriend in life. Than you have people who I have never met, only passed in the hallways of school, who send request. It’s the strangest fucking thing. I will bring this up again because it is so weird to me–people will talk to me on Facebook, but not face to face. Just straight talk; a regular conversation–hey how’s your day–won’t happen beyond the computer with these people. Why? Why are you willing to let me into this openess if you won’t fucking talk to me?! I don’t how people view Facebook, I think, is what writing this had made me realize. The tool they see it as, must certainly be different than how I view it. I stick to my phone rule: If I wouldn’t put your number in my phone, no need for you to scope my Facebook.
(The flip side to this, is that Facebook and Myspace and all these social networking sites could be a great step for people with social anxiety problems, or just plane weirdo kids who have problems communicating. It could be the first step toward friendship and an understand of social interaction. They are exponentially useful to anybody trying to start a business, or an artist trying to promote him/herself. We all know the benefits, which is why I felt it unnecessary to put them in here.)
